This is all working out to be a little bit scary.....

      "This is all working out to be a little bit scary." That's what Josh said after I called him this morning with the news from our social worker. So what is the news? Well the twin's social worker is coming up to visit some of her families in July and wants to meet with the few final families for the twins as well. And seeing as how we are one of them she'd like to meet with us. The week she's coming? The week right after Josh gets back from his trip. So I told our social worker that Monday would be best for us because Josh already has Mondays off. She is going to call the other social worker to let her know and get back with me on a time. So God really is taking care of all the timing, and it's all working out for us. Which as I said makes me "excitedly nervous".  So we're excited to see what God is doing and a little nervous about twins. But excited too. Wow big news. I'm kinda in shock that it's working out. I guess I better get all the junk out of the pink room that has piled up and get things in order while Josh is gone. I'm going to be busy!

Prayer requests for the twins

         So I'm just going to get right down to it.  I got a call from our social worker this morning, saying that she had a message yesterday from the twins social worker, and that she hasn't picked a family yet but she would soon, and we are one of the ones she is looking at. Our social worker was making sure we were still interested and ok with the contact with the siblings. Also for those of you that don't know, Josh is going on a mission trip here soon and will be gone a little while. So she was also telling me that we needed to decide if Josh will be going or not because there is a chance the the twins social worker will want to get things done while he is gone; and if he is gone we as a family cannot move forward so that would put us out, if the social worker did not want to work around us. Josh is going on this trip, we wouldn't even consider him not going and I told her that. I did ask her to make sure their worker knew that we would be available up until he left and right after. So please please be praying for us, that the news of Josh's trip would not effect the workers decision to pick us. And that she'd be willing to work around the dates. There is a real good possibility that when she hears about Josh's trip she will no longer want to consider us. Because of timing and the complications that it will cause. We know that God had all of this planned and that He knows the timing, and we are trusting Him. Pray for me that I would not be worrying about this, that I can peacefully trust in Gods timing. I'm processing all this new information and I want to make sure don't let myself get anxious. What a morning. I would really appreciate all your prayers on this, thank you so much.

Encouragement, Bible style

      Okay normally I write about our adoption but this one might go on a little tangent. It's still adoption related for me though so I wanted to post it here. Plus, I felt like I should and God been teaching me obedience so I'll just do it. :)
      Last night I was doing some reading and I read Philippians because I've been trying to keep up with Josh's reading he is doing for his trip. And they are reading Philippians this week. Anyway while reading I realized I've read Philippians A LOT, because without trying I have most of it memorized. Which is why when I came upon Chapter 4 verses 6&7. I read them and re-read them. I have read that many times before and knew it as I read it. But this time I REALLY read it, and it touched me. This is what God has been laying on my heart, what He been doing for me this past months! "Do not be anixous in anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." (Phil 4:6,7) I mean WOW! I just felt like that was written just for me, just for now.
      I'll tell you all a little secret (and hopefully Josh doesn't mind). Josh and I have not ever been great about praying together. We have bursts. But when we started this we started praying together a lot. And in the past year we've been pretty good at it. And God told me a year ago that this adoption journey was something that was going to grow us spiritually together. We've prayed about this and other things together and for me it is a powerful thing to hear my husband praying about things in our lives and our friends. Have we been perfect and done it every day? No. But we have started and have probably prayed together more in the last year than in the 10+ years before. And I have been praying everyday myself for this adoption and for God's will with it and our lives. "...by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.". And the more I pray about the adoption and finding God's will for us the more I an thankful for all we have. I am everyday thanking God for the wonderful life we have. I am so happy and content with our life and the way things are, which makes me so much happier, and so thankful!
       "And the peace of God which transcends all understanding..." I cannot even begin to describe how true God has made this in my life. I am naturally a semi anxious person. I like to have a plan and make it work. If  I don't have control of a situation I get a little anxious, if I don't know the outcome of a situation I get a little anxious. So to have such a peace about where we are while we have NO control, to leave it all in God's hands and trust Him completely, has been amazing to me. From anxious to amazed, only God can do that. It takes choosing to trust God, to not want to be anxious, to be willing to give it up, and God does amazing things. I have tried and I cannot alone let go of my anxiety, but by not wanting to be anxious and asking for God's help He has blessed me with His peace. A few weeks go, I tried again to have a go of it on my own and ended up in tears, begging God for help again. And He is reminding me again with these verses. And the cool thing is just by asking for His help and continuing to present my prayers to God He is faithful to not let me be anxious. That is so cool!!!
      Also I had been so worried about "turning down" or being presented children that I knew would not be a good fit for our family and that saying "no, that's not a good fit" would be heart wrenching. I was afraid it would be more than I could handle. But do you remember verse 7 talking about the peace of God? "....will guard your hearts and minds..." Okay again I wish I could describe how powerful this has been for me! It is super, super sad that there are so many kids that need good homes, and it is hard to not be able to help them all. I realize that I know, and God knows, what will work for our family. And I know what God has told me. And I hasn't been hard in the way I've thought. The peace God has given me is also guarding my heart in this time! Not only that but He is guarding my mind, and allowing me to see clearly what is right for us and what isn't. I wish I could explain how awesome this is. My God is protecting me from heartache and doubt.
        I am holding back tears, just thinking of how grateful I am that my God id holding me so lovingly. He is giving me peace during a stressful time, He is removing my anxiety during an anxious wait, He is guarding my heart so that it doesn't break, and He is guarding my mind so I can see clearly. I really hope you all get how big that is. And if He can do this for me, the control freak who doesn't ever like to let go, He will most certainly do it for you in any situation you may have. Take encouragement from this and remember to choose to let God have control, and "...in everything with prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." I promise you He is faithful "And the peace of God which transcends ALL understanding, will guard your hearts and mind in Christ Jesus." And I'm so thankful for that.
      If you have something you need to not be anxious over and need to present it to God, please let know how I can pray for you.
   

Quick update

Hello all! A few of you have asked, and I know others are wondering about the twins. Well I talked to our social worker today and she said she just talked to their social worker yesterday, and she is still hasn't picked a family. She said that she hasn't looked through all of them yet either. So. There are too many reasons this may be the case and I really don't want to speculate. I'm just trusting in God's timing. If it's His will we'll be picked. While this will get complacted with Josh leaving on his trip, I know God knew all of this before He led us on this path. So thanks for your prayers, still hoping that everything works out for the twins! :)

At peace again

       Whew. Last week was HARD. SO many emotions. And I did not handle it well. I had a hard time meeting with social workers at the family fair, even though I practiced making good conversation and I knew what to expect. It was still hard to meet with 8 different counties and not one had a child available like we are looking for. I knew it was going to be like that, but still hard for me. I knew after that that I was not fully trusting God with the timing and outcome of this. I can't make a child come available and I can't make a social worker pick us. But still I was worrying about both happening. Josh and I have know from the beginning that this was something God was calling us to explore and to do, and we could only trust Him with it. It's hard though. I have never had to so fully and completely rely on God for something I wanted so badly. And it's been a long wait too! I was blessed to get pregnant with both the boys quickly so I haven't had to wait this long for a new child. I am really being stretched in this, and last week was a hard one on me. Especially having so much hope in the twins then thinking we hadn't been picked. I had been to consumed with them and not trusting in God for placement.
         Hearing that a family had not been picked was a turning point for me. Earlier that day I had realized that I again need to rest in Gods peace and that He knows everything that is going to happen and all the timing. So to get to the place of complete trust in Him again and then find out a family hadn't been picked, made me realize how silly I'd been. God knows if we're the family for the twins or not. He knows the outcome of the court decision today and He knows the timing of the trip Josh will be taking. He knows, I don't! Why should I worry when my Heavenly Father, the God of all the universe knows! Answer- I shouldn't! And I won't. I am again so peaceful with the wait, knowing that God knows more than I and He loves my Daughter(s) more than I ever could. He loves me too. He's probably excited to see what will happen when our daughter comes home, and He will be faithful. So I'm not going to worry, about court dates and timing for meetings and trips.
      The bible says in James to have joy when you face trails and I'm back to seeing joy in this. I am growing in my faith and in my parenting, and in life. I am so joyful that God has chosen me for this path and that I get to walk this with Him. And I am thankful for the things this trying time is producing in my life. Those verses in James are becoming real to me. So whatever will be will be, and I'm going to trust God.
       Also the court date for the twins was today  for the judge to decide if visitation will be cut with the birth mother and the twins to move on to adoptive placement. I'm praying that this will be the case, as it looks like the best thing for the girls. Please join with me in prayer. Also that we would hear soon if we will be chosen or not. But most importantly that I (and Josh) will continue to have a peace about waiting and continue to trust God in the outcome. Thank you all for following along.

Good update!!

      So the Family Fair today was just what I expected, but I did better I think. I practiced ways of making conversation in the car on the way there (by myself, ironic, huh?). So I had some good openers and ways to talk about myself. Still feels very awkward, but I did better, and actually talked to quite a few social workers for a little bit. It was just hard on me emotionally, especially with not hearing anything on the twins.
        BUT I emailed our social worker today to tell her how it went and then asked at the bottom "And we're assuming that we would have heard on the twins by now if they wanted to talk to us, yes?"
       Well she e-mailed me back tonight saying she actually had heard from the twins social worker and she HAS NOT made a decision regrading the twins yet. Yea! I'm excited. So please continue to pray for us regrading that. Josh is worried because I have my hopes up again and he doesn't want to see me sad if we don't get picked. I love him for worrying about me, but how can I not have my hopes up when I hear there has not been a decision yet? I do think that after the things I went through emotionally this week I'll handle it better. I've been clinging to the Lord like I don't remember doing before, and He has been so faithful.

No news, and "Family Fair"

        I know most of you are wondering, and as you may guess, no we had not heard anything on the twins. I am certain this means we have not been picked, so I am trying to "move on". As one friend pointed out, the social worker may have just picked the first family to come across her desk (which given the speed she wanted this to happen seems especially likely). I am disappionted, I was kinda looking forward to having to twin girls, and was getting excited at the thought. But I know that God is in control and He has a perfect plan for us, and I am trying to find peace in that. Today it's hard though. It does give me peace and comfort to know that when it does finally happen, it will be right. And maybe then I'll get it. I don't know how many of you have heard the Laura Story song "Blessings" but I am reminded of that. What if all this waiting is just so I can grow closer to God, to trust Him more easily, quicker. Wouldn't just that be worth it? For me it would. And I am confident that in His time I will have a daughter(s?). I've had my tears, I've come to realize this wasn't for our best right now, and I will trust that. I know that He takes care of me, and He has placed this desire in our hearts for a reason.

       So on to more news. Tomorrow (Thursday) is the Bay Area Family Fair. That is where families go and meet with Social workers from different counties and try to "sell ourselves" in hopes that when they have a child that meets what we're looking for they'll remember us (we hand out our profile and pictures) and they'll call us. The social workers will also have new "Child Availables" (children that are ready to be placed in adoptive homes) that I will be able to look through (Josh will not be able to go with me this time). I do not enjoy going, it is a weird thing to do. I am not great at meeting new people and have a hard time carrying on conversations with people I do not know. Plus it's wierd to walk up to someone and say "Hi, I'm Jennifer Schittl. My husband and I are looking for one or two girls, under age 3 to add to our family." Then they ask you questions that if you take the word child out would almost sound like you're picking a new pet. Health? Race? Only girls? Are those ages set? then I always hear "Sorry I don't have that right now, but I'll keep you on file." It really goes very quickly and I cannot figure out how to expand that conversation so I'll be remembered or that they'll "like" me.
          I know that they are so used to it, but it almost feels like the social workers have gotten so calloused they forget that we are putting our hearts on the line every time we walk up to one of them and introduce ourselves. WE ARE SEARCHING FOR OUR CHILDREN PEOPLE! Cut us a break, smile. Ask questions about us or our family. Don't just dismiss us because we're not looking for a child that you currently have available. We feel a hole in our families and we're looking for the child that will fill it. It's hard......Okay I'll get off my soap box now.
        Seriously though it's a hard thing to go to. You see profiles of lots of kids that need someone to love them. I wish our house was bigger and we could take more. I wish more people could take more. Right now we know all we can do is one or two girls because of our house size and the rules for adoption. And we don't feel like adding anyone older than our boys would be fair either. I pray that more people would consider adoption.
       Anyway to sum it all up: Hard day today realizing we won't be getting a call on the twins, hard day tomorrow as I meet with social workers and view profiles. So this woman is still a wreck and prayers and kinda words still needed. Oh! And if you have a favorite scripture that gets you through a hard time I'd love to hear it, I could add it to my tool bag. Thank you all for reading this and for your prayers and encouraging words.