Twins again, an "older" little girl, and other stuff

              I'm going to start with the "other stuff", then get to the tease on the girls. Things have been busy here. Not too much adoption action until this week, just other stuff. I've been super busy with both boys being in soccer and house projects. After not getting the twins I decided I need to re-paint a dresser and re-decorate my bedroom. It's what I do, it's called distraction. We have got a couple calls, nothing we had wanted to submit our profile for so I kept blog quite. I did last week get an e-mail that the two sisters I had last blogged about were placed with grandparents, against the recommendation of the county.  So I have I had been thinking about our process and doing a lot of praying. There were a few hard weeks. It was discouraging to get so close then not have much happen. That and there was the 1 year date of our starting the process, then the 10 month mark of waiting. So yes I was doing a lot of praying. And I didn't post that on here because I didn't want anyone feeling sorry for me, God and I just had things to talk about. And He did have a lot to say.  Like "quit being such a control freak, when you're telling my to have my way!" (Yes I really do feel like God talks to me like that. It's about the only way I really listen. Josh should try it too.) Wait you mean part of  me letting God do His thing is getting out of the way? Sometimes I would like God to just boss me around, at least then I'd feel like the control at least goes through me. But no He has been asking me to just get out of the way and watch Him work. Hard for me to not get the orders, just trust in Him. Have you ever felt like that? Like God was keeping you in the dark until the end? I'm kinda a nosy person, and I like to be in control of my stuff, so I don't do that well. I hope some day I will, because God keeps putting me here and I don't like it. A friend told me something great today that she heard at bible study- she said they were "encouraged to 'relinquish responsibility', because God has His plan and it's not our responsibility to do  anything but to listen for Him to speak." That was powerful for me to hear. Ok I think that's all the other stuff.
            So we got an e-mail this week about another set of twins. They are 2 1/2. They were born very premature and have a few medical issues because of it. Things they will most likely grow out of, but that we would have to deal with now. I saw pictures and they are so adorable. They have brown hair with soft curls. Adorable. We've submitted our profile for them. They already have a court date set to terminate parental rights. The birth mom is contesting, but that is not unusual. To be honest, I am hopeful about this. They are a good age for us, and I love the though of having sisters. I'm so glad my boys have each other, and I am so thankful for growing up with my sister. I'd love to get a call and go to a disclourse meeting to learn more about them and to get some questions answered.
          And today we got a call from our social worker about a 3 1/2 year old girl. I was told on the phone several times that she is very cute, but I haven't seen a picture. I was told there are no medical problems and the only behavioral problems are that she throws tantrums. But she hits and kicks and bites during them. Which really is not unusual for a child who has been in foster care. Their little lives have been turned upside down several times, it'd be hard for an adult to deal with. Also she was placed in her current home for concurrent placement, which usually is with a family member or friend and they move from foster care to adoption. But this family doesn't want to adopt her because she doesn't get a long with their younger daughter. Which is very sad and also makes me wonder how she is treated there. Is she treated like family, and shown the same love and attention? I didn't want someone so close to Nathan in age, and that and the tantrums worry me, but my heart goes out to her. I feel like she's not wanted in the place she has been, and kids pick up on that. I feel that God has been telling me to let go and trust the outcomes to Him. And that means letting go of what I think I what and letting him work. There is not a date yet set to terminate rights for her. Both parents were offered services and visitation and the father declined, but when the county went to request rights to be terminated he contested and now wants visits and such. The court date for that is at the end of the month. So we have submitted our profile for that too. I may see if we can stop at our agency's office Monday to look at her profile, and see her picture.
         So I guess you could say we have two irons in the fire. Whew long post today. As always prayers are appreciated. Thank you all.

Here we go again

      Thank you to everyone how prayed for us last night/this morning. We have decided to submit our profile for the two sisters. We both woke up this morning feeling like we should start this, see what happens and what we can learn about the situation. So I called our social worker this morning and told her to submit it for us and she said she's hoping to hear from the social worker for the girls about the case for the 6 month old. So that's where we stand now. The waiting begins again.

Prayer request

Prayers needed tonight for us making a decision on whether to submit our profile on a sibling set of sisters. They are 2 years and 6 months. Because of different fathers the older has a hearing set to terminate parental right but the 6 month old doesn't, so it's a risky placement. That and the fact that we're kinda wondering if we're okay with having two. We need to decide tomorrow if we want to be considered. Thank you for praying with us.

God's plan- It's not us

        Today we got the news on the twins. The social workers have decided to go with another family. I do know that they are a family that the birth father attends church with, so it will probably be very good for them all. I think that God doesn't do anything by mistake and this must be the best for everyone. I am disappointed, I was really looking forward to the possibility of two little girls. We are thankful that we heard so quickly, we really thought it'd be longer for them to decide. It feels really good to know. There is a peace in knowing that is obviously not what God has for us. Knowing that this is not God's plan for us, really makes me all the more excited to see what he does have. This is something God is doing in our lives, and I want to be open and ready for whatever that is. It's not this. I do kinda feel like- okay what now? We don't have any other "leads", so it's almost like a let down from being excited about a possibility to nothing. Josh is good too, I'd say he was less invested, so he's not as disappointed as I am. But he's a guy. A little less emotional. So really- I'm good. Like I said I'm disappointed, but I know that God has something, I just need to focus on waiting for that. Thank you everyone for your prayers, I know that is is helping so much and it is such a HUGE comfort to me. Prayers that I would continue to feel peaceful about this would be wonderful. Thank you all.

Can I get a plan?

        Josh and I went out on a date for our anniversary the other night (11 years! WOW) and I noticed that while we weren't really talking about the kids (we were after all trying to enjoy a date) there was a phrase that kept coming up. Then I thought about it and I realized it's actually in almost every conversation we have right now. Seriously nearly every conversation has this phrase in it.  "If we get the twins". Not only is it on both our minds, but it's really hard to try to plan the next 2 months of our lives with out questioning what it will hold. So we're looking forward to hearing from the social worker....whenever that may be. Hopefully by the end of next week. And put at least that question to rest, and we won't have to start or end our conversations with it. And we can plan a little. Although it could bring more questions, like "When we go to see the twins", "Depending on when we get the twins" and "After the court date". So we're still living a big question right now. I think it's the season of our life we're in. At least I know there is a plan. " 'For I know the plans I have for you' declares the Lord" (Jeremiah 29:11). I'm so glad. This time it's not my plan, it's His. I'm just enjoying the ride.

Good meeting!

          Ok so judging by the amount of texts, phone calls, and FB messages I've got I'm sure there are a lot of you wondering how it went last night. It went very well. It was more of a disclosure meeting than I had originally thought, but it was good because we got a lot of information on the girls. I cannot share most of what we learned last night, nor will we share a lot of it once we are able. We think that a lot of it is personal to them and will be shared by them when/if they want to once they are older. So anyway I can't say much, but it went well and Josh and I are comfortable with everything we learned. We are excited and feel really good about it. Sounds like I may have my hands full though, they're both crawling and one of them is into everything! We didn't see a picture, which I'm kinda relieved about- I'm afraid if I did I'd feel bonded. Their social worker said that she just forgot it, but that they are adorable and we'd forget all the "difficult" things she told us if we saw them because they are so cute.
       They seem to be in an excellent foster home, we were told it's one of the best homes they have. Their foster mother is really willing to work a lot with the adoptive parents to get the transition smooth, that's a blessing. We were told she'd be happy to talk to us about anything we need if we were to proceed.
        We asked when placement would be we were told because of court dates it wouldn't be until September, but they wanted visitation with the twins and the family before then. I told Josh if we're picked, it'd be once a week until placement if they let us.
        So that's it. She is meeting with the other two families today and then will got back down and meet with another social worker and her Supervisor and they'll pick a family. I don't know when that'll be, hopefully soon, but I kinda doubt it.
         I am so thankful that so many of you were thinking of us and praying for us yesterday. It really means a lot to us that so many people are praying for us. Thank you all.

Monday is the day....

         The social worker for the twins comes Monday. Though wouldn't you know it, she's coming Monday night? I mean I've waited all month and still I'll have to wait through the whole day?! Oh well. I just hope that finnally having my husband home will be a good distraction.
          So I've been making sure the yard looks good, getting carpets clean and other long awaited cleaning. Also I'm doing A LOT of work in "the pink room". It has never felt right calling it the baby's room, or the nursery, so I just came up with the pink room. It is after all the only room in our house with any pink in it. See when we got finished with all our classes we decided that it would be better to move the boys into a room together before we brought a new child home so it wouldn't be too much change at one time for them. Kinda ease them into it like you would if mommy was pregnant. When we moved them I also thought it would be better to paint the other room so that it still didn't look like Nathan's room. To make sure they "got it" I guess. Anyway we've had the room painted since November and my mom came and did some murals (it's actually the picture to the right, top ----->) and I bought fabric to make curtains and all. Then we waited, so the room started to become a catch all. We wanted the social worker to know that we were ready and willing to take the girls soon, should that be her decision. So I have been finishing painting and sewing curtains, and re-painting our chair. It all looks nice. I still have a little bit of sewing to do tonight and then finishing details, which I may wait on so I can (hopefully) get some sleep tonight. I've been pretty busy these pass few weeks. I hope Josh likes all the work I've done.
         I am nervous about meeting with their social worker. Like I've said before I don't feel totally comfortable with new people, or in situations that I'm unfamiliar with. I am glad it's at our house. I hope that we can get across who we are, and what our family is like. I've been making a list of questions I'd like to ask and I'm starting to think of ways to tell her about us, our lives and our family. Pray for me please! I don't want to be anxious all day monday waiting and I want to be relaxed during the vivst, so she can get a good feel for who we are. The boys are excited. They both have been helping and watching me get ready and we've talked quite a bit about "the lady coming who is looking for a good family for the twins". They've asked a lot of questions and really good grown up ones too.
       So we'll see. Right now I have Josh coming home tomorrow to look forward to . So really much of my energy is focused on that. I would really just like to know if we'll be the parents to these twins or not. I know I'll be fine either way. God's got it all under control. I just have to remember to let go and let Him do His thing......