Mother's Day and the Goodbye visit

          My mother's day was blessed. I got beautiful handmade cards (my favorite) and the boys each made gifts at school for me. I thought about how blessed I am to be a mommy to my kids, and I thought a lot about the girls birth mom and this from last year. I referenced that same post last time and I thought of it a lot Sunday. Last year I wondered where our daughter was and now I know that they were both safe and in great foster homes with women I now love and respect. They were both placed in the homes of incredible families, and we still have relationships with those families. I know they were being loved on and cared for in those homes. Last year I wondered about the birth mom, and I know now that last year she had just had her children and brand new baby taken from her. She was still healing from birth, and had even breast fed and was having to stop that. There was probably emotional and physical pain. And I thought of her this year, she had just had her rights terminated and had today's goodbye visit looming. What a hard day I imagine it could have been, just a few weeks after learning rights were terminated and knowing in two days would be the last time she sees the girls. I still don't understand why she did not show up to the court hearing, and honestly I lost respect for her because of that, but I know because of things she has said to me that she is sad about losing the girls. I know that in the only way she can she does care for them. And so I have a heavy heart for her today. I am sad for her, regardless how how she feels. I don't think there will be a mothers day or birthday that goes by that I won't think of her, because I do believe she will be thinking of the girls. And while we do not believe that contact with her is in the girls best interest, I feel sad at what she will miss. I'm hoping and praying that today's visit goes well. The social worker told me that a lot of times birth parents do hold it together for the kids, so I do hope she can. I am afraid of what a tense emotional scene would do to the girls. It's amazing how much even the baby picks up on that. I hope to take a couple pictures to show the girls later too.
        On another note, we had two social workers visits today so I got clarification on the process from here out. We are just waiting to hear if the birth parents appeal, there as been no talk of it yet. I'm praying that they don't, especially after hearing today that that can take a year to complete. We can start the paperwork for the adoptive placement (just the official placement of the girls into our home for adoption, not foster care) now though, and the state adoption worker that was here today said she will try to have it completed and sent to the state adoption center in Sacramento by the end of the week, so if there is no appeal we should be able to finalize very quickly.
        I'm still being very careful about posting pictures, I still am not supposed to post them, although I've talked to a few adoptive families who started posting even before things were final. I'll probably still be careful, especially since I'm sure it will create a comment storm when I do put them on FB. I do carry our new family pictures on my phone though so I can show them to people I see. (hint, hint)
        It's been 6 months now and we're gelling more and more as a family. It's a process. We've heard that the first year is hard, and the first 6 months of that the hardest, so I'm waiting for it to get easier :) With big girls attachment issues we've been told that it could take up to as long as the age she was when she came home, so it could take 2 years for her to really attach and bond to us. She seems to be starting to trust us and seeking geniue affection more, and her therapist and I are encouraged. But there are days when she goes back, and it can be hard. I try not to get my feelings hurt. The hardest part is that people don't see it and so they don't know what I'm talking about. But it's like that for attachment disorders. I've read a few books on it and Josh actually got to go to a seminar on it so we're learning. And she is starting to really be herself around Josh and test him too, so thats a good sign. Baby girl just turned one year and is starting to bond with daddy too. She gets happy when she sees him and will laugh when he plays with her. It's taken a little while, I think mostly because he is at work so much. She's starting to talk and sign, and can just now stand completely other own. Even today she was willing walked with me holding just one hand, so I think she's getting close.
       Thank you all for your prayers and encouragement. Please be praying now for today's visit, for the birth parents, and for no appeal so we can finalize soon. Also we will be continuing to have contact with their birth grandmother so prayers for guidance and wisdom with that. So far it has only been a couple e-mails on my part and some pictures of the girls. Also I'd love for you to pass this blog on to anyone you think might enjoy it, be encouraged by it, or is thinking of ever adopting. And I love to hear from you too.

whew, so glad thats step's done!

    Well most of you follow on Facebook, so you know how the last 2 months have gone. But let me re-cap. At the first hearing to terminate rights the birth parents were there and they contested so it was set to go to a settlement hearing where the lawyers and social workers meet with them and try to come to a agreement. This was rescheduled several times and finally when all parties had agreed on a date the birth parents did not show. A date was already set to go before the judge to tell the outcome of the hearing and the parents still wanted to contest to get a trail so a trail date was set for last week. I had talked to the lawyer who assured me that we didn't need to worry and that the birth parents were just going before the judge to testify and try to keep their rights, but that they had no evidence to support that and the lawyer had a good strong case. The girls county social worker told me she thought I should go to that trail and so my best friend and I made the hour drive last Monday (Josh couldn't make it because he had a training to do for our foster license. My best friend offered to go to support me, she's such awesome friend). Once there we found out that there had been a death in the birth family and the trail was being postponed until this week. The state adoption worker that was there was surprised to see me and basically said she didn't think that it was a usually a good idea for foster-adoptive parents to go. She is our state adoption workers supervisor, and I had not meet her before. I had the right to be there, but she was saying that it could make this complicated.
    Anyway I got two different dates on when it would be and so I had to decide whether or not I wanted to go and if I wanted to find out the date. After prayer and lots of talking to people I trusted for their opinion, I decided that not only would I not go but that I would not call to get clarification on the date. I realized that day to day I was not worried about the outcome of the trail and very confident that the rights would be terminated, but when I knew the day/time, I would stress and be anxious all day. For nothing because it didn't help anything. I decided not to go and  I thought of possibly just requesting the transcripts so I could know what was said. I didn't want a scene with the birth parents and I just felt like they kinda deserved to do the trail with out me there. Thats a little hard to explain, just that it is a hard thing, no matter what they have done, to have your rights to your children taken away and I felt that I was giving them the respect they deserve as people, to have that done without me there to watch. I don't know if I can explain that better, I hope it's understandable. If not- sorry thats the best I got, if you see me I may be able to do better in person, you could ask :)
     So anyway I knew it was either yesterday or today at 2pm and that someone would call me, and if not I would call Wednesday.  Yesterday I did think about it at 2 but only because I was at the dentist. Today I don't think about it until 4, while at a friends house. Well when I got home I had a message from the lawyer letting me know that the birth parents did not show up to the trail and that rights were terminated. Wow. I just felt so good! When I was praying about it last week I knew that I had already given my worry about it to God, but every time a date came up I would take it back on and worry, worry, worry.  Not that I could do anything! God is ultimately in control of all things, and I am not! Why would I not give it to Him and leave it there? So when I prayed and God said "Just leave it to me. Don't give yourself more worry than you need. Trust me with all of it, you don't even need to worry about when it is, I already got this." So I did just trust him. And I had a great 2 days and it's done.  The peace I had last week when I made the decision not to worry, not to find out the date, was so awesome. And then to just come home and have that message. I mean, I didn't do anything, no driving to court, no worrying, nothing. And He did it. I hope you all can understand how amazing and freeing that is. If not, well I'm pretty sure the lesson was for me so it doesn't really matter. But wow, my God. Its such a weird, cool, scary feeling to know be done with that step. The girls birth parents have no legal rights to them and they are freed for adoption. For us. They way we believe that God always intended it to be. They are ours, and now we are one step closer to finalizing that.
     I am thinking about their birth mom though. She has expressed some sadness to me in the past when I have seen her about losing the girls. And while I cannot comprehend why they didn't show for court today, I have an empathy for her about this hard thing in her life. She is not able to care for the girls (or their siblings) and has not made good choices in the past, but she is a mother who has feelings. What a loss she has had today. These girls are amazing and she is missing out. This morning I was in the shower and baby girl crawled up to the door and was so excited she found me and was being so cute and talking, pounding on the glass so happy. I thought "Look at my baby. I love her and she loves her momma" Then I though about her birth mom and how she is missing out on such a joy. I am glad that baby girl is ours, and that she loves me so such, but I just felt such a loss for her birth mom. I'm not sure if most of you can understand that. It's hard to understand myself and I never thought I'd have such a compassion and empathy for the birth parents, but I believe it's something God gave me last year. You can read that here.
    The birth parents have the legal right to appeal the termination, and they have 60 days to file that. What that does is goes to the state appeals court and the court just makes sure legal process was followed and that the birth parents were given all their rights by law. I'm sure they will appeal, a lot of birth parents do. I just hope it's sooner rather than later so we will know, and so it can hopefully get dealt with that much sooner.
    Also there will be a goodbye visit for the birth mom. I am hoping to do it soon-ish, and had a good conversation about it with the county social worker tonight. So prayers for getting the dates figured out and for the girls dealing with that would be great.
     Someday I hope to find time to update about non-legal/court stuff, cause I have a bunch to share. Things are kinda calming down, so maybe soon. I have a lot to talk about; the honeymoon after placement, the hard times, counseling, the good times, finding a new normal, great foster families that have turned into wonderful new family for us, baby girl's first birthday, the boys adjustment, and so much more. But not tonight. Tonight I am just so grateful for what has happened!