Emotions

    Wow, I can't believe it's only Monday. I've been through so many emotions the past 4 days, it seems like 4 weeks! When we got the call Thursday about the twins I was SO excited. Then on our 10+ hour drive home I got to think a lot about having twins. Not just now when they are babies, but ten even fifteen years from now! And I got really nervous. Still excited, but nervous and overwhelmed as well.
     Then friday all I could think about was how I would do things with twins. How would I go to the store, get the boys to school, handle things while Josh is at work? Again overwhelmed, but strangely also excited about the possibility (and challenge?!) of it all. I had already thought about how things may go when we add one more, but now I had to think about two. And two the same age, babies now. I thought of the fun things; two set of clothes and dresses, the hair bows, having two babies (I love babies), the joy of two more kiddos! Then I thought about what could be hard; two babies adjusting to a new home, twice the diapers, two babies crying, two little ones crawling around, 2x the work of our two already! And strangely I got even more excited.
      But there's a good chance we won't even get a call. So while I feel I need to prepare myself for the possibility of twins, I also need to prepared not to get a call. Not to be arranging my whole life soon. It's so hard to try to prepare your self for a total life change, while also preparing myself for nothing. The past few little ones we heard about I was able to keep it in check, and to not get too "attached". This time though I really have my heart set on it. So I am nervous, and stressed. What if we get a call? What if we don't?
      I'm glad today is a holiday and I don't have to wonder whats going on. But tomorrow? I think I'll be a wreck. I'm going to have to try to stay busy and distracted.
      So if you read this please pray for me. Like I told Josh yesterday, I really want the twins. But I'm trying to remember that God has a perfect plan and I want to be content with whatever that is. Really guys, I'm a mess of emotions and I can use all the prayer I can get. Thank you. I told you this was going to be quite a journey! Hang on it's going to be an interesting week.

Twins ?!?

       Yes I meant to type that up there. TWINS. Yesterday while still in Legoland I got a call from our social worker saying she had a child to present. A child to present. Then she said "There are 7month old twin girls..." I'll be honest I got really excited....... Then a few hours later I got really nervous.
       A social worker from San Luis Obispo called our Agency asking if they had any families up in the Sacramento area that wold be interested in twin girls. She wants a family up here because she wants the family of the girls to keep contact with their older brothers and the birth Father, who all live in the Sacramento area. The birth Father has custody of the full blood brother, but cannot take the twins. Then a family friend has a half brother and is in concurrent planning (she will be adopting him).
      So our social worker was calling us to let us know details and ask if we'd be interested is having our profile submitted. This is right now considered a "high risk" placement because there has not been a Termination of Parental Rights hearing date set yet, and our agency likes to have that set before proceeding with placement. There is a court date set June 8th and their social worker is going to be asking the Judge to terminate services and visitation (the birth mother has had visitation rights but has missed the past few). Their social worker of course thinks this will happen but there is no guarantee that the Judge will do this. There are more things that I won't get into that make it a little complicated, but nothing that we don't think we can handle. So we told her to submit our profile to their social worker, and she said she would e-mail it today.
      Their social worker wants to have a disclosure meeting with the prospective adoptive parents, and well as a visit with the girls before the June 8th court date. So we should hear fairly quickly, if we've been picked. I don't know how many agencies their social worker called, but we could be getting picked from a fairly small pool. Hopefully we'll hear if we another family is picked.
      We have a lot going on in the next few months, so it may not be great timing, but we are confident that if it's meant to be it'll all work out. I'm excited and nervous about getting twins, especially because it could move very quickly because of their age. I'm more excited than I have been before, so if we aren't picked I hope I am not too disappointed. I am so glad that I can trust the Lord and His perfect will, and that it is completely in his hands. We'd love it if you'd pray for us. All I can think about today is twin girls. This will be a long weekend......
     

So I had a moment.....

         I hope everyone had a wonderful mother's day and told your momma just how great she is! I believe we all still need our mommas, even when were big. I got wonderful cards and flowers from my guys. Along with a fabulous brunch (cooked by the men folk in our family) with my momma, and BJ's for dinner with my wonderful mom-in-law! Pretty good day!
        I had "a moment" in church yesterday. Our church does child dedications on Mothers Day, and our pastor was talking about the dedications; how we view our children as on loan from God and we dedicate our children as a way of publicly stating to raise them up to know and love the Lord. That ultimately our goal is for them to come to a saving relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. I was remembering when we dedicated our boys and how I feel so blessed that God has entrusted me with these beautiful boys. So I'll admit it I was getting a little teary. Then it really hit. I was thinking about when we'll welcome our little girl into the family and how wonderful it will be to dedicate her at church (and maybe a little about buying her a beautiful white dress for the day...) and how I just cannot wait for the day. Then I just kinda lost it. Uncontrollably crying, could not stop myself, had to get to the bathroom crying. I was just thinking: I am waiting and ready to give her a safe, loving home and I don't even know where she is. What is she going through, how is she loved on and treated? It's not like I'm not expecting God to do something, I am. But how much will she, will I, go through until then? The horrible truth is there will be something very wrong with the choices her birth parents make, and/or her home life before we bring her into our home. That is just the reality of adopting through foster care. What will that do to her? What will she go through during that time and then in her foster homes after she is in CPS custody? And then at the same time I was thinking how honored I am that God will chose me to be the mommy to that little girl. Me. Wow. When I think about that, I think that maybe we're just waiting because God has more work to do in me so that I can be a better mommy for her. I wasn't sure if I was going to tell everyone this because I kinda sound like a basket case, but I do want to share everything we go through in this process. Oh, and I'm better today. Actually I was better the rest of the day, like I said it was just "a moment".
         But I did think about her birth mother yesterday. I wonder what she is like. I'm sure that having your child placed in CPS and everything else will be very hard. No matter what is going on in her life. I wonder if I will be the "bad guy" to her. I hope that I'll have some information on her to share with our daughter when she's older.  I hope that I can get positive things about her too, maybe a picture. When we pray for our daughter Josh prays for her birth parents too. They are important people, and even though raising her might not be the best for our little girl, we don't want any harm to come to them. It's an interesting thing to be concerned for them, not something I really expected to feel. It is definitely a love given by God.
       Anyway just a few emotions I went through yesterday. I am so honored that God has given me the job of being a mommy. It can be hard at times, but it is so rewarding. The hard, or "bad" days really are out numbered by great, amazing days. I am just so thankful for all He's given me. I am a blessed woman.

News from our social worker

        Late yesterday I got an e-mail form our social worker letting us know that the little girl we were told about has been  place with her forever family. I'm glad that she will now have a permanent home, and that some family has welcomed another member! I will be praying for her and her family, as it can be a tough transition from her foster home and foster parents into her family. It was nice that we actually did find out she was placed with her family. I'm looking forward to the day I can say the same for us! Thank you everyone who prayed for us.

Thursday meetings

          Today is the first Thursday of the month. I wish I hadn't remembered that last night, it's all I've thought about all day. Why you might ask? There are monthly meetings the first and second Thursdays of the month where social workers present their children that have newly come available for adoption. If within the month there have been court proceedings to move ahead with adoption, and an adoptive home has not been found, they will show these children's profiles to social workers that are helping families find children. Because we are looking to add a little girl into our family, and so are a lot of other families, most likely we would be contacted about her as soon as she become available for adoption. But if it was a sibling set of two girls, there would  be a better chance a family wouldn't be found right away and we could receive a call. Anyway all this to say, it is unlikely that we would hear about a little girl this way (although that's how we heard about the one last month). Still the first couple Thursdays of the month, I wonder and I keep my phone close. No call yet today.....

What is Foster-adoption?

       When people hear that we are in the process to adopt they ask, "From another country or a baby?" meaning international or domestic infant adoption. More often than not when I tell people we are going to adopt through the foster system they have no idea what I am talking about. Everyone knows about domestic, or private adoption (which can also be called a relinquishment, because the birth parents willfully relinquish their rights to the adoptive parents) and adopting orphans from other countries has become very popular (thanks to Madonna, the Jolie-Pitts family and Stephen Curtis Chapman). But there are also THOUSANDS of children in our own country that are waiting to be adopted, and they're waiting in the very broken foster care system.
        If there are concerns about a child's welfare, Child Protective Services (CPS) is called. The child, or children, are then taken into custody and placed in a foster home. The goal of CPS and foster care is to remove children and place them in a safe environment while the parent, or parents, work to make their lives so that their children will be safe with them.  Which I believe if the parents can get their lives together, is the best option for children. I am really going to try to not get into all the ways the system is failing kids, but let me just say that it is; some children are kept in lingo way to long while their parents are given years to straighten out and the children really suffer. Okay I'll try to stay off that soap box :). Once reunification with the parents is proven to not be in the child's best interest the court looks for adoptive parents for the children. Many times they look to the foster family first, as well as any stable biological family. If both those options are not available the search for a family begins. That is where our agency comes into play.   
       We had a home study done, extensive interviews and questionnaires filled out, as well as fingerprinting and referral questions from friends. Our agency asked us for family pictures, and they put together a family profile for us. We went to two "family fairs" where we met with many social workers from counties all over northern California and talked with them and handed out our profile. Our social worker has also given it out to other counties.  There are three ways we will hear about children available for adoption. Either their country social worker will see our profile at the county office and contact our social worker specifically about us, or they will contact our agency and ask if any families are searching for a child that matches the child (or children) they have. What also may happen is that the county social worker will share the child's profile at a monthly meeting that takes place, which is what happened with the last little one we heard about. The best scenario for us really is that  they would call our social worker specifically about us; that means they already read our profile and are interested in us. Other wise they are searching for a family and will most likely get many profiles from families looking to adopt children. The majority of people looking to adopt are looking for the same thing we are: a young girl. That means that this process may take a very long time. In January we were approved to start our child search and we were told to expect to wait a year to year and a half. Of course we are hoping and praying that it will be sooner, but only God knows!
        So that's a very brief explanation about the process we will go through to adopt, and adopting from the foster care system. As to why we chose this way, I really just think it's a God thing. We feel that He lead us to this and we have a peace about adopting this way.  The fact the we can change a child's life is something that makes us hopeful, but we really just started this because we want a daughter. Once we looked at foster-adoption we felt that this would be a good fit for us, and God has really given us a soft heart for these children that are waiting to be placed with their forever families. We wish we had a bigger house so we could adopt more, but we can't adopt all of them. And with this life stage we're in with our boys the age they are, we think that only a younger sister (or maybe two?) is what would work for us.