"Home visit"

Sorry it's going to be another quick update. Last week was crazy, as I drove up to see the girls everyday. Tuesday was mine and girlie's first day alone together, and we had a great time shopping at Target. She picked out a cute headband and would only let her foster mom put that in her hair the rest of the week. Wednesday we drove up to visit baby sister after her nap, we had fun and girlie even showed a little jealously, which is a good sign. Thursday I got to attended PT for baby sister, which was very informative, and good to be at. I also put her down for her nap after! Then I had a very quick visit with girlie on my way home. Friday daddy got to come up and we picked up girlie and headed up to baby sister's house. It was time for baby sisters nap, so we didn't get to play long, but I got to put her down for her nap again. And this time girlie was very jealous, even though she had all of daddy's attention. Another good sign. Saturday we had a busy day with end of the year parties for the boys' soccer so we didn't get to see the girls, but baby sister's foster mom sent us a video so we could watch her play in her exersaucer. Then today girlie came here to visit us and meet the boys! It went great, she played her room and wanted to play in it for the longest time. We had a quick lunch, then walked to the park to play. WE had a great time and the boys were great with her. She fell asleep in her stroller on the way home, and then slept on daddy's lap for a while. She seemed sad to go today, which is good. The boys both asked why she just couldn't stay forever now, that's a good sign too. She'll be abck in the morning, and we'll have the day together before we meet half way with foster mom for the trade. Then the rest of the week I'll be driving up really early to see baby sister before her nap and put her down, then pick up girlie and come home for the rest of the day before meeting foster mom half way each night. Thursday they both have appts in the morning I will be at, then girlie will stay very late, till after dinner and boys bed. Friday should be move in day with girlie!!! Hopefully sunday baby sister's foster mom will bring her here for a visit and we'll trade off driving days the rest of the week, with  baby sister hopefully moving in the next weekend! So it's very busy, but going well. I will update more when I can.

I'm so in love

So real quick, we me the girls today. They are adorable, beautiful, delightful, and I loved every minute. It was awesome. I got to hold them both and play, read books. I hated saying goodbye and would have stayed all day if I could. What's even better is I get to go see our big girl tomorrow. She's a doll, and I cannot wait. Then we'll go visit our baby sister Wednesday together. Back up there to see her Friday and then she's coming here to meet the boys all day Sunday. So busy week,  it'll be a while before I post again. She should be home with us in 2 weeks and the baby the week after. I'm so in love, God is awesome.

Our first visit scheduled!

          We are getting to go meet and visit the girls Monday! We will also be able to talk to their foster moms. And we will be working with them and the placement worker on making a transition plan and working out dates for that. The boys will not be going with us, it's best if we get to visit the first few times without them. But we will be able to take pictures of them to share with the boys. I will not be posting any here or on Facebook. We also will not be sharing names for awhile.
          I'm excited, I'm trying not to be too hopeful, we are strangers to them. I have a bunch of questions for the foster moms, as well as the placement worker. Please be praying that the girls (especially our 2 year old) would not be too overwhelmed, and we'd get a nice visit. The placement workers said they may want to place the 2 year old first, then the baby, but we'd much rather bring them home at the same time so please be praying that we along with the foster mom would be able to figure out what would be best for her.
         I am thankful for all the offers of help with clothing and toys we have gotten. Be sure that I will be taking those of you up on those offers!
        Thank you to all of you for support and prayers.

The new adventure begains.

          We will soon have two daughters joining our family!!! I am so excited, and so nervous! The meeting went really well today and we found out that services were terminated last week so there is already a hearing to terminate rights. We got all our questions answered and everything is more than I could have hoped for. We will be scheduling our first visit soon and making a transition plan on the girls coming to live with us. We are hoping that if everything goes smooth we will have our girls home by Thanksgiving.
           Thank you to everyone who prayed for us today, please continue to pray as we work on bringing our girls home. I am kinda in shock. Wow. Okay that's all I can form into sentences right now. I'll update again soon!

Meeting Monday!!

      I just talked with our social worker and we are meeting the girls' worker this Monday the 24th! God is so good, meeting on Monday is such an answer to prayer, this way Josh doesn't have to take an extra day off. Our social worker said I can bring more pictures of our family and our home, which I was going to anyway. And I confirmed again that they are just looking at us for a family.  If after the meeting we are still interested we can schedule a time to visit the girls. Also our social worker told us that sometimes they bring the girls so we might be able to see them Monday. Because it is a couple hour drive from our agency's office the worker has sometimes brought the kids to the disclosure meeting but we don't know if she will or not. So I'm excited that our meeting is Monday, although I feel like it might feel like it takes forever to get here!! I'm glad for my super busy week and weekend!

Somebody wants US!

           This is super exciting. For those of you who have read my posts, you may remember when I wrote about how children could be placed with us in this post; What is foster Adoption? . One of the ways being that a child's social worker would see our profile and call about us. Well yesterday that happened! They want us specifically to come and have a meeting about two little girls. The girls are sisters, 2 years old and 6 months old. They are healthy, and have no apparent delays. We got the call late last night from our social worker who wanted us to have an answer about if we are interested by this morning. It's a little stressful to have 12 hours to think about something that will change your life. But it actually was a quick decision for us. I called her and said yes we'd like to meet with the worker and have a disclosure meeting. So she will call the girls worker and see when she wants to meet. I'm really hoping it is this week, even though I do have a busy week. It would just be nice to have answers quickly. We are in awe that our profile was picked and we were called on. It's kinda nice to be wanted :). The legal side could be a hang up though, as the parents are contesting the termination of visitation. They have not been involved up to this point or even shown up for their evaluations to determine if they are fit to parent. So we need to find out when that court date is to hear that, and then after that they would set the date to terminate parental rights. So we are praying that God would be leading us in this, that it just wouldn't be us walking into something with just our emotions, and that we'd be open to whatever He's leading us to do. Thank you all who are encouraging us and praying for us. I will update you when I hear! Pretty exciting stuff around here!

Twins again, an "older" little girl, and other stuff

              I'm going to start with the "other stuff", then get to the tease on the girls. Things have been busy here. Not too much adoption action until this week, just other stuff. I've been super busy with both boys being in soccer and house projects. After not getting the twins I decided I need to re-paint a dresser and re-decorate my bedroom. It's what I do, it's called distraction. We have got a couple calls, nothing we had wanted to submit our profile for so I kept blog quite. I did last week get an e-mail that the two sisters I had last blogged about were placed with grandparents, against the recommendation of the county.  So I have I had been thinking about our process and doing a lot of praying. There were a few hard weeks. It was discouraging to get so close then not have much happen. That and there was the 1 year date of our starting the process, then the 10 month mark of waiting. So yes I was doing a lot of praying. And I didn't post that on here because I didn't want anyone feeling sorry for me, God and I just had things to talk about. And He did have a lot to say.  Like "quit being such a control freak, when you're telling my to have my way!" (Yes I really do feel like God talks to me like that. It's about the only way I really listen. Josh should try it too.) Wait you mean part of  me letting God do His thing is getting out of the way? Sometimes I would like God to just boss me around, at least then I'd feel like the control at least goes through me. But no He has been asking me to just get out of the way and watch Him work. Hard for me to not get the orders, just trust in Him. Have you ever felt like that? Like God was keeping you in the dark until the end? I'm kinda a nosy person, and I like to be in control of my stuff, so I don't do that well. I hope some day I will, because God keeps putting me here and I don't like it. A friend told me something great today that she heard at bible study- she said they were "encouraged to 'relinquish responsibility', because God has His plan and it's not our responsibility to do  anything but to listen for Him to speak." That was powerful for me to hear. Ok I think that's all the other stuff.
            So we got an e-mail this week about another set of twins. They are 2 1/2. They were born very premature and have a few medical issues because of it. Things they will most likely grow out of, but that we would have to deal with now. I saw pictures and they are so adorable. They have brown hair with soft curls. Adorable. We've submitted our profile for them. They already have a court date set to terminate parental rights. The birth mom is contesting, but that is not unusual. To be honest, I am hopeful about this. They are a good age for us, and I love the though of having sisters. I'm so glad my boys have each other, and I am so thankful for growing up with my sister. I'd love to get a call and go to a disclourse meeting to learn more about them and to get some questions answered.
          And today we got a call from our social worker about a 3 1/2 year old girl. I was told on the phone several times that she is very cute, but I haven't seen a picture. I was told there are no medical problems and the only behavioral problems are that she throws tantrums. But she hits and kicks and bites during them. Which really is not unusual for a child who has been in foster care. Their little lives have been turned upside down several times, it'd be hard for an adult to deal with. Also she was placed in her current home for concurrent placement, which usually is with a family member or friend and they move from foster care to adoption. But this family doesn't want to adopt her because she doesn't get a long with their younger daughter. Which is very sad and also makes me wonder how she is treated there. Is she treated like family, and shown the same love and attention? I didn't want someone so close to Nathan in age, and that and the tantrums worry me, but my heart goes out to her. I feel like she's not wanted in the place she has been, and kids pick up on that. I feel that God has been telling me to let go and trust the outcomes to Him. And that means letting go of what I think I what and letting him work. There is not a date yet set to terminate rights for her. Both parents were offered services and visitation and the father declined, but when the county went to request rights to be terminated he contested and now wants visits and such. The court date for that is at the end of the month. So we have submitted our profile for that too. I may see if we can stop at our agency's office Monday to look at her profile, and see her picture.
         So I guess you could say we have two irons in the fire. Whew long post today. As always prayers are appreciated. Thank you all.

Here we go again

      Thank you to everyone how prayed for us last night/this morning. We have decided to submit our profile for the two sisters. We both woke up this morning feeling like we should start this, see what happens and what we can learn about the situation. So I called our social worker this morning and told her to submit it for us and she said she's hoping to hear from the social worker for the girls about the case for the 6 month old. So that's where we stand now. The waiting begins again.

Prayer request

Prayers needed tonight for us making a decision on whether to submit our profile on a sibling set of sisters. They are 2 years and 6 months. Because of different fathers the older has a hearing set to terminate parental right but the 6 month old doesn't, so it's a risky placement. That and the fact that we're kinda wondering if we're okay with having two. We need to decide tomorrow if we want to be considered. Thank you for praying with us.

God's plan- It's not us

        Today we got the news on the twins. The social workers have decided to go with another family. I do know that they are a family that the birth father attends church with, so it will probably be very good for them all. I think that God doesn't do anything by mistake and this must be the best for everyone. I am disappointed, I was really looking forward to the possibility of two little girls. We are thankful that we heard so quickly, we really thought it'd be longer for them to decide. It feels really good to know. There is a peace in knowing that is obviously not what God has for us. Knowing that this is not God's plan for us, really makes me all the more excited to see what he does have. This is something God is doing in our lives, and I want to be open and ready for whatever that is. It's not this. I do kinda feel like- okay what now? We don't have any other "leads", so it's almost like a let down from being excited about a possibility to nothing. Josh is good too, I'd say he was less invested, so he's not as disappointed as I am. But he's a guy. A little less emotional. So really- I'm good. Like I said I'm disappointed, but I know that God has something, I just need to focus on waiting for that. Thank you everyone for your prayers, I know that is is helping so much and it is such a HUGE comfort to me. Prayers that I would continue to feel peaceful about this would be wonderful. Thank you all.

Can I get a plan?

        Josh and I went out on a date for our anniversary the other night (11 years! WOW) and I noticed that while we weren't really talking about the kids (we were after all trying to enjoy a date) there was a phrase that kept coming up. Then I thought about it and I realized it's actually in almost every conversation we have right now. Seriously nearly every conversation has this phrase in it.  "If we get the twins". Not only is it on both our minds, but it's really hard to try to plan the next 2 months of our lives with out questioning what it will hold. So we're looking forward to hearing from the social worker....whenever that may be. Hopefully by the end of next week. And put at least that question to rest, and we won't have to start or end our conversations with it. And we can plan a little. Although it could bring more questions, like "When we go to see the twins", "Depending on when we get the twins" and "After the court date". So we're still living a big question right now. I think it's the season of our life we're in. At least I know there is a plan. " 'For I know the plans I have for you' declares the Lord" (Jeremiah 29:11). I'm so glad. This time it's not my plan, it's His. I'm just enjoying the ride.

Good meeting!

          Ok so judging by the amount of texts, phone calls, and FB messages I've got I'm sure there are a lot of you wondering how it went last night. It went very well. It was more of a disclosure meeting than I had originally thought, but it was good because we got a lot of information on the girls. I cannot share most of what we learned last night, nor will we share a lot of it once we are able. We think that a lot of it is personal to them and will be shared by them when/if they want to once they are older. So anyway I can't say much, but it went well and Josh and I are comfortable with everything we learned. We are excited and feel really good about it. Sounds like I may have my hands full though, they're both crawling and one of them is into everything! We didn't see a picture, which I'm kinda relieved about- I'm afraid if I did I'd feel bonded. Their social worker said that she just forgot it, but that they are adorable and we'd forget all the "difficult" things she told us if we saw them because they are so cute.
       They seem to be in an excellent foster home, we were told it's one of the best homes they have. Their foster mother is really willing to work a lot with the adoptive parents to get the transition smooth, that's a blessing. We were told she'd be happy to talk to us about anything we need if we were to proceed.
        We asked when placement would be we were told because of court dates it wouldn't be until September, but they wanted visitation with the twins and the family before then. I told Josh if we're picked, it'd be once a week until placement if they let us.
        So that's it. She is meeting with the other two families today and then will got back down and meet with another social worker and her Supervisor and they'll pick a family. I don't know when that'll be, hopefully soon, but I kinda doubt it.
         I am so thankful that so many of you were thinking of us and praying for us yesterday. It really means a lot to us that so many people are praying for us. Thank you all.

Monday is the day....

         The social worker for the twins comes Monday. Though wouldn't you know it, she's coming Monday night? I mean I've waited all month and still I'll have to wait through the whole day?! Oh well. I just hope that finnally having my husband home will be a good distraction.
          So I've been making sure the yard looks good, getting carpets clean and other long awaited cleaning. Also I'm doing A LOT of work in "the pink room". It has never felt right calling it the baby's room, or the nursery, so I just came up with the pink room. It is after all the only room in our house with any pink in it. See when we got finished with all our classes we decided that it would be better to move the boys into a room together before we brought a new child home so it wouldn't be too much change at one time for them. Kinda ease them into it like you would if mommy was pregnant. When we moved them I also thought it would be better to paint the other room so that it still didn't look like Nathan's room. To make sure they "got it" I guess. Anyway we've had the room painted since November and my mom came and did some murals (it's actually the picture to the right, top ----->) and I bought fabric to make curtains and all. Then we waited, so the room started to become a catch all. We wanted the social worker to know that we were ready and willing to take the girls soon, should that be her decision. So I have been finishing painting and sewing curtains, and re-painting our chair. It all looks nice. I still have a little bit of sewing to do tonight and then finishing details, which I may wait on so I can (hopefully) get some sleep tonight. I've been pretty busy these pass few weeks. I hope Josh likes all the work I've done.
         I am nervous about meeting with their social worker. Like I've said before I don't feel totally comfortable with new people, or in situations that I'm unfamiliar with. I am glad it's at our house. I hope that we can get across who we are, and what our family is like. I've been making a list of questions I'd like to ask and I'm starting to think of ways to tell her about us, our lives and our family. Pray for me please! I don't want to be anxious all day monday waiting and I want to be relaxed during the vivst, so she can get a good feel for who we are. The boys are excited. They both have been helping and watching me get ready and we've talked quite a bit about "the lady coming who is looking for a good family for the twins". They've asked a lot of questions and really good grown up ones too.
       So we'll see. Right now I have Josh coming home tomorrow to look forward to . So really much of my energy is focused on that. I would really just like to know if we'll be the parents to these twins or not. I know I'll be fine either way. God's got it all under control. I just have to remember to let go and let Him do His thing......

This is all working out to be a little bit scary.....

      "This is all working out to be a little bit scary." That's what Josh said after I called him this morning with the news from our social worker. So what is the news? Well the twin's social worker is coming up to visit some of her families in July and wants to meet with the few final families for the twins as well. And seeing as how we are one of them she'd like to meet with us. The week she's coming? The week right after Josh gets back from his trip. So I told our social worker that Monday would be best for us because Josh already has Mondays off. She is going to call the other social worker to let her know and get back with me on a time. So God really is taking care of all the timing, and it's all working out for us. Which as I said makes me "excitedly nervous".  So we're excited to see what God is doing and a little nervous about twins. But excited too. Wow big news. I'm kinda in shock that it's working out. I guess I better get all the junk out of the pink room that has piled up and get things in order while Josh is gone. I'm going to be busy!

Prayer requests for the twins

         So I'm just going to get right down to it.  I got a call from our social worker this morning, saying that she had a message yesterday from the twins social worker, and that she hasn't picked a family yet but she would soon, and we are one of the ones she is looking at. Our social worker was making sure we were still interested and ok with the contact with the siblings. Also for those of you that don't know, Josh is going on a mission trip here soon and will be gone a little while. So she was also telling me that we needed to decide if Josh will be going or not because there is a chance the the twins social worker will want to get things done while he is gone; and if he is gone we as a family cannot move forward so that would put us out, if the social worker did not want to work around us. Josh is going on this trip, we wouldn't even consider him not going and I told her that. I did ask her to make sure their worker knew that we would be available up until he left and right after. So please please be praying for us, that the news of Josh's trip would not effect the workers decision to pick us. And that she'd be willing to work around the dates. There is a real good possibility that when she hears about Josh's trip she will no longer want to consider us. Because of timing and the complications that it will cause. We know that God had all of this planned and that He knows the timing, and we are trusting Him. Pray for me that I would not be worrying about this, that I can peacefully trust in Gods timing. I'm processing all this new information and I want to make sure don't let myself get anxious. What a morning. I would really appreciate all your prayers on this, thank you so much.

Encouragement, Bible style

      Okay normally I write about our adoption but this one might go on a little tangent. It's still adoption related for me though so I wanted to post it here. Plus, I felt like I should and God been teaching me obedience so I'll just do it. :)
      Last night I was doing some reading and I read Philippians because I've been trying to keep up with Josh's reading he is doing for his trip. And they are reading Philippians this week. Anyway while reading I realized I've read Philippians A LOT, because without trying I have most of it memorized. Which is why when I came upon Chapter 4 verses 6&7. I read them and re-read them. I have read that many times before and knew it as I read it. But this time I REALLY read it, and it touched me. This is what God has been laying on my heart, what He been doing for me this past months! "Do not be anixous in anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." (Phil 4:6,7) I mean WOW! I just felt like that was written just for me, just for now.
      I'll tell you all a little secret (and hopefully Josh doesn't mind). Josh and I have not ever been great about praying together. We have bursts. But when we started this we started praying together a lot. And in the past year we've been pretty good at it. And God told me a year ago that this adoption journey was something that was going to grow us spiritually together. We've prayed about this and other things together and for me it is a powerful thing to hear my husband praying about things in our lives and our friends. Have we been perfect and done it every day? No. But we have started and have probably prayed together more in the last year than in the 10+ years before. And I have been praying everyday myself for this adoption and for God's will with it and our lives. "...by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.". And the more I pray about the adoption and finding God's will for us the more I an thankful for all we have. I am everyday thanking God for the wonderful life we have. I am so happy and content with our life and the way things are, which makes me so much happier, and so thankful!
       "And the peace of God which transcends all understanding..." I cannot even begin to describe how true God has made this in my life. I am naturally a semi anxious person. I like to have a plan and make it work. If  I don't have control of a situation I get a little anxious, if I don't know the outcome of a situation I get a little anxious. So to have such a peace about where we are while we have NO control, to leave it all in God's hands and trust Him completely, has been amazing to me. From anxious to amazed, only God can do that. It takes choosing to trust God, to not want to be anxious, to be willing to give it up, and God does amazing things. I have tried and I cannot alone let go of my anxiety, but by not wanting to be anxious and asking for God's help He has blessed me with His peace. A few weeks go, I tried again to have a go of it on my own and ended up in tears, begging God for help again. And He is reminding me again with these verses. And the cool thing is just by asking for His help and continuing to present my prayers to God He is faithful to not let me be anxious. That is so cool!!!
      Also I had been so worried about "turning down" or being presented children that I knew would not be a good fit for our family and that saying "no, that's not a good fit" would be heart wrenching. I was afraid it would be more than I could handle. But do you remember verse 7 talking about the peace of God? "....will guard your hearts and minds..." Okay again I wish I could describe how powerful this has been for me! It is super, super sad that there are so many kids that need good homes, and it is hard to not be able to help them all. I realize that I know, and God knows, what will work for our family. And I know what God has told me. And I hasn't been hard in the way I've thought. The peace God has given me is also guarding my heart in this time! Not only that but He is guarding my mind, and allowing me to see clearly what is right for us and what isn't. I wish I could explain how awesome this is. My God is protecting me from heartache and doubt.
        I am holding back tears, just thinking of how grateful I am that my God id holding me so lovingly. He is giving me peace during a stressful time, He is removing my anxiety during an anxious wait, He is guarding my heart so that it doesn't break, and He is guarding my mind so I can see clearly. I really hope you all get how big that is. And if He can do this for me, the control freak who doesn't ever like to let go, He will most certainly do it for you in any situation you may have. Take encouragement from this and remember to choose to let God have control, and "...in everything with prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." I promise you He is faithful "And the peace of God which transcends ALL understanding, will guard your hearts and mind in Christ Jesus." And I'm so thankful for that.
      If you have something you need to not be anxious over and need to present it to God, please let know how I can pray for you.
   

Quick update

Hello all! A few of you have asked, and I know others are wondering about the twins. Well I talked to our social worker today and she said she just talked to their social worker yesterday, and she is still hasn't picked a family. She said that she hasn't looked through all of them yet either. So. There are too many reasons this may be the case and I really don't want to speculate. I'm just trusting in God's timing. If it's His will we'll be picked. While this will get complacted with Josh leaving on his trip, I know God knew all of this before He led us on this path. So thanks for your prayers, still hoping that everything works out for the twins! :)

At peace again

       Whew. Last week was HARD. SO many emotions. And I did not handle it well. I had a hard time meeting with social workers at the family fair, even though I practiced making good conversation and I knew what to expect. It was still hard to meet with 8 different counties and not one had a child available like we are looking for. I knew it was going to be like that, but still hard for me. I knew after that that I was not fully trusting God with the timing and outcome of this. I can't make a child come available and I can't make a social worker pick us. But still I was worrying about both happening. Josh and I have know from the beginning that this was something God was calling us to explore and to do, and we could only trust Him with it. It's hard though. I have never had to so fully and completely rely on God for something I wanted so badly. And it's been a long wait too! I was blessed to get pregnant with both the boys quickly so I haven't had to wait this long for a new child. I am really being stretched in this, and last week was a hard one on me. Especially having so much hope in the twins then thinking we hadn't been picked. I had been to consumed with them and not trusting in God for placement.
         Hearing that a family had not been picked was a turning point for me. Earlier that day I had realized that I again need to rest in Gods peace and that He knows everything that is going to happen and all the timing. So to get to the place of complete trust in Him again and then find out a family hadn't been picked, made me realize how silly I'd been. God knows if we're the family for the twins or not. He knows the outcome of the court decision today and He knows the timing of the trip Josh will be taking. He knows, I don't! Why should I worry when my Heavenly Father, the God of all the universe knows! Answer- I shouldn't! And I won't. I am again so peaceful with the wait, knowing that God knows more than I and He loves my Daughter(s) more than I ever could. He loves me too. He's probably excited to see what will happen when our daughter comes home, and He will be faithful. So I'm not going to worry, about court dates and timing for meetings and trips.
      The bible says in James to have joy when you face trails and I'm back to seeing joy in this. I am growing in my faith and in my parenting, and in life. I am so joyful that God has chosen me for this path and that I get to walk this with Him. And I am thankful for the things this trying time is producing in my life. Those verses in James are becoming real to me. So whatever will be will be, and I'm going to trust God.
       Also the court date for the twins was today  for the judge to decide if visitation will be cut with the birth mother and the twins to move on to adoptive placement. I'm praying that this will be the case, as it looks like the best thing for the girls. Please join with me in prayer. Also that we would hear soon if we will be chosen or not. But most importantly that I (and Josh) will continue to have a peace about waiting and continue to trust God in the outcome. Thank you all for following along.

Good update!!

      So the Family Fair today was just what I expected, but I did better I think. I practiced ways of making conversation in the car on the way there (by myself, ironic, huh?). So I had some good openers and ways to talk about myself. Still feels very awkward, but I did better, and actually talked to quite a few social workers for a little bit. It was just hard on me emotionally, especially with not hearing anything on the twins.
        BUT I emailed our social worker today to tell her how it went and then asked at the bottom "And we're assuming that we would have heard on the twins by now if they wanted to talk to us, yes?"
       Well she e-mailed me back tonight saying she actually had heard from the twins social worker and she HAS NOT made a decision regrading the twins yet. Yea! I'm excited. So please continue to pray for us regrading that. Josh is worried because I have my hopes up again and he doesn't want to see me sad if we don't get picked. I love him for worrying about me, but how can I not have my hopes up when I hear there has not been a decision yet? I do think that after the things I went through emotionally this week I'll handle it better. I've been clinging to the Lord like I don't remember doing before, and He has been so faithful.

No news, and "Family Fair"

        I know most of you are wondering, and as you may guess, no we had not heard anything on the twins. I am certain this means we have not been picked, so I am trying to "move on". As one friend pointed out, the social worker may have just picked the first family to come across her desk (which given the speed she wanted this to happen seems especially likely). I am disappionted, I was kinda looking forward to having to twin girls, and was getting excited at the thought. But I know that God is in control and He has a perfect plan for us, and I am trying to find peace in that. Today it's hard though. It does give me peace and comfort to know that when it does finally happen, it will be right. And maybe then I'll get it. I don't know how many of you have heard the Laura Story song "Blessings" but I am reminded of that. What if all this waiting is just so I can grow closer to God, to trust Him more easily, quicker. Wouldn't just that be worth it? For me it would. And I am confident that in His time I will have a daughter(s?). I've had my tears, I've come to realize this wasn't for our best right now, and I will trust that. I know that He takes care of me, and He has placed this desire in our hearts for a reason.

       So on to more news. Tomorrow (Thursday) is the Bay Area Family Fair. That is where families go and meet with Social workers from different counties and try to "sell ourselves" in hopes that when they have a child that meets what we're looking for they'll remember us (we hand out our profile and pictures) and they'll call us. The social workers will also have new "Child Availables" (children that are ready to be placed in adoptive homes) that I will be able to look through (Josh will not be able to go with me this time). I do not enjoy going, it is a weird thing to do. I am not great at meeting new people and have a hard time carrying on conversations with people I do not know. Plus it's wierd to walk up to someone and say "Hi, I'm Jennifer Schittl. My husband and I are looking for one or two girls, under age 3 to add to our family." Then they ask you questions that if you take the word child out would almost sound like you're picking a new pet. Health? Race? Only girls? Are those ages set? then I always hear "Sorry I don't have that right now, but I'll keep you on file." It really goes very quickly and I cannot figure out how to expand that conversation so I'll be remembered or that they'll "like" me.
          I know that they are so used to it, but it almost feels like the social workers have gotten so calloused they forget that we are putting our hearts on the line every time we walk up to one of them and introduce ourselves. WE ARE SEARCHING FOR OUR CHILDREN PEOPLE! Cut us a break, smile. Ask questions about us or our family. Don't just dismiss us because we're not looking for a child that you currently have available. We feel a hole in our families and we're looking for the child that will fill it. It's hard......Okay I'll get off my soap box now.
        Seriously though it's a hard thing to go to. You see profiles of lots of kids that need someone to love them. I wish our house was bigger and we could take more. I wish more people could take more. Right now we know all we can do is one or two girls because of our house size and the rules for adoption. And we don't feel like adding anyone older than our boys would be fair either. I pray that more people would consider adoption.
       Anyway to sum it all up: Hard day today realizing we won't be getting a call on the twins, hard day tomorrow as I meet with social workers and view profiles. So this woman is still a wreck and prayers and kinda words still needed. Oh! And if you have a favorite scripture that gets you through a hard time I'd love to hear it, I could add it to my tool bag. Thank you all for reading this and for your prayers and encouraging words.

Emotions

    Wow, I can't believe it's only Monday. I've been through so many emotions the past 4 days, it seems like 4 weeks! When we got the call Thursday about the twins I was SO excited. Then on our 10+ hour drive home I got to think a lot about having twins. Not just now when they are babies, but ten even fifteen years from now! And I got really nervous. Still excited, but nervous and overwhelmed as well.
     Then friday all I could think about was how I would do things with twins. How would I go to the store, get the boys to school, handle things while Josh is at work? Again overwhelmed, but strangely also excited about the possibility (and challenge?!) of it all. I had already thought about how things may go when we add one more, but now I had to think about two. And two the same age, babies now. I thought of the fun things; two set of clothes and dresses, the hair bows, having two babies (I love babies), the joy of two more kiddos! Then I thought about what could be hard; two babies adjusting to a new home, twice the diapers, two babies crying, two little ones crawling around, 2x the work of our two already! And strangely I got even more excited.
      But there's a good chance we won't even get a call. So while I feel I need to prepare myself for the possibility of twins, I also need to prepared not to get a call. Not to be arranging my whole life soon. It's so hard to try to prepare your self for a total life change, while also preparing myself for nothing. The past few little ones we heard about I was able to keep it in check, and to not get too "attached". This time though I really have my heart set on it. So I am nervous, and stressed. What if we get a call? What if we don't?
      I'm glad today is a holiday and I don't have to wonder whats going on. But tomorrow? I think I'll be a wreck. I'm going to have to try to stay busy and distracted.
      So if you read this please pray for me. Like I told Josh yesterday, I really want the twins. But I'm trying to remember that God has a perfect plan and I want to be content with whatever that is. Really guys, I'm a mess of emotions and I can use all the prayer I can get. Thank you. I told you this was going to be quite a journey! Hang on it's going to be an interesting week.

Twins ?!?

       Yes I meant to type that up there. TWINS. Yesterday while still in Legoland I got a call from our social worker saying she had a child to present. A child to present. Then she said "There are 7month old twin girls..." I'll be honest I got really excited....... Then a few hours later I got really nervous.
       A social worker from San Luis Obispo called our Agency asking if they had any families up in the Sacramento area that wold be interested in twin girls. She wants a family up here because she wants the family of the girls to keep contact with their older brothers and the birth Father, who all live in the Sacramento area. The birth Father has custody of the full blood brother, but cannot take the twins. Then a family friend has a half brother and is in concurrent planning (she will be adopting him).
      So our social worker was calling us to let us know details and ask if we'd be interested is having our profile submitted. This is right now considered a "high risk" placement because there has not been a Termination of Parental Rights hearing date set yet, and our agency likes to have that set before proceeding with placement. There is a court date set June 8th and their social worker is going to be asking the Judge to terminate services and visitation (the birth mother has had visitation rights but has missed the past few). Their social worker of course thinks this will happen but there is no guarantee that the Judge will do this. There are more things that I won't get into that make it a little complicated, but nothing that we don't think we can handle. So we told her to submit our profile to their social worker, and she said she would e-mail it today.
      Their social worker wants to have a disclosure meeting with the prospective adoptive parents, and well as a visit with the girls before the June 8th court date. So we should hear fairly quickly, if we've been picked. I don't know how many agencies their social worker called, but we could be getting picked from a fairly small pool. Hopefully we'll hear if we another family is picked.
      We have a lot going on in the next few months, so it may not be great timing, but we are confident that if it's meant to be it'll all work out. I'm excited and nervous about getting twins, especially because it could move very quickly because of their age. I'm more excited than I have been before, so if we aren't picked I hope I am not too disappointed. I am so glad that I can trust the Lord and His perfect will, and that it is completely in his hands. We'd love it if you'd pray for us. All I can think about today is twin girls. This will be a long weekend......
     

So I had a moment.....

         I hope everyone had a wonderful mother's day and told your momma just how great she is! I believe we all still need our mommas, even when were big. I got wonderful cards and flowers from my guys. Along with a fabulous brunch (cooked by the men folk in our family) with my momma, and BJ's for dinner with my wonderful mom-in-law! Pretty good day!
        I had "a moment" in church yesterday. Our church does child dedications on Mothers Day, and our pastor was talking about the dedications; how we view our children as on loan from God and we dedicate our children as a way of publicly stating to raise them up to know and love the Lord. That ultimately our goal is for them to come to a saving relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. I was remembering when we dedicated our boys and how I feel so blessed that God has entrusted me with these beautiful boys. So I'll admit it I was getting a little teary. Then it really hit. I was thinking about when we'll welcome our little girl into the family and how wonderful it will be to dedicate her at church (and maybe a little about buying her a beautiful white dress for the day...) and how I just cannot wait for the day. Then I just kinda lost it. Uncontrollably crying, could not stop myself, had to get to the bathroom crying. I was just thinking: I am waiting and ready to give her a safe, loving home and I don't even know where she is. What is she going through, how is she loved on and treated? It's not like I'm not expecting God to do something, I am. But how much will she, will I, go through until then? The horrible truth is there will be something very wrong with the choices her birth parents make, and/or her home life before we bring her into our home. That is just the reality of adopting through foster care. What will that do to her? What will she go through during that time and then in her foster homes after she is in CPS custody? And then at the same time I was thinking how honored I am that God will chose me to be the mommy to that little girl. Me. Wow. When I think about that, I think that maybe we're just waiting because God has more work to do in me so that I can be a better mommy for her. I wasn't sure if I was going to tell everyone this because I kinda sound like a basket case, but I do want to share everything we go through in this process. Oh, and I'm better today. Actually I was better the rest of the day, like I said it was just "a moment".
         But I did think about her birth mother yesterday. I wonder what she is like. I'm sure that having your child placed in CPS and everything else will be very hard. No matter what is going on in her life. I wonder if I will be the "bad guy" to her. I hope that I'll have some information on her to share with our daughter when she's older.  I hope that I can get positive things about her too, maybe a picture. When we pray for our daughter Josh prays for her birth parents too. They are important people, and even though raising her might not be the best for our little girl, we don't want any harm to come to them. It's an interesting thing to be concerned for them, not something I really expected to feel. It is definitely a love given by God.
       Anyway just a few emotions I went through yesterday. I am so honored that God has given me the job of being a mommy. It can be hard at times, but it is so rewarding. The hard, or "bad" days really are out numbered by great, amazing days. I am just so thankful for all He's given me. I am a blessed woman.

News from our social worker

        Late yesterday I got an e-mail form our social worker letting us know that the little girl we were told about has been  place with her forever family. I'm glad that she will now have a permanent home, and that some family has welcomed another member! I will be praying for her and her family, as it can be a tough transition from her foster home and foster parents into her family. It was nice that we actually did find out she was placed with her family. I'm looking forward to the day I can say the same for us! Thank you everyone who prayed for us.

Thursday meetings

          Today is the first Thursday of the month. I wish I hadn't remembered that last night, it's all I've thought about all day. Why you might ask? There are monthly meetings the first and second Thursdays of the month where social workers present their children that have newly come available for adoption. If within the month there have been court proceedings to move ahead with adoption, and an adoptive home has not been found, they will show these children's profiles to social workers that are helping families find children. Because we are looking to add a little girl into our family, and so are a lot of other families, most likely we would be contacted about her as soon as she become available for adoption. But if it was a sibling set of two girls, there would  be a better chance a family wouldn't be found right away and we could receive a call. Anyway all this to say, it is unlikely that we would hear about a little girl this way (although that's how we heard about the one last month). Still the first couple Thursdays of the month, I wonder and I keep my phone close. No call yet today.....

What is Foster-adoption?

       When people hear that we are in the process to adopt they ask, "From another country or a baby?" meaning international or domestic infant adoption. More often than not when I tell people we are going to adopt through the foster system they have no idea what I am talking about. Everyone knows about domestic, or private adoption (which can also be called a relinquishment, because the birth parents willfully relinquish their rights to the adoptive parents) and adopting orphans from other countries has become very popular (thanks to Madonna, the Jolie-Pitts family and Stephen Curtis Chapman). But there are also THOUSANDS of children in our own country that are waiting to be adopted, and they're waiting in the very broken foster care system.
        If there are concerns about a child's welfare, Child Protective Services (CPS) is called. The child, or children, are then taken into custody and placed in a foster home. The goal of CPS and foster care is to remove children and place them in a safe environment while the parent, or parents, work to make their lives so that their children will be safe with them.  Which I believe if the parents can get their lives together, is the best option for children. I am really going to try to not get into all the ways the system is failing kids, but let me just say that it is; some children are kept in lingo way to long while their parents are given years to straighten out and the children really suffer. Okay I'll try to stay off that soap box :). Once reunification with the parents is proven to not be in the child's best interest the court looks for adoptive parents for the children. Many times they look to the foster family first, as well as any stable biological family. If both those options are not available the search for a family begins. That is where our agency comes into play.   
       We had a home study done, extensive interviews and questionnaires filled out, as well as fingerprinting and referral questions from friends. Our agency asked us for family pictures, and they put together a family profile for us. We went to two "family fairs" where we met with many social workers from counties all over northern California and talked with them and handed out our profile. Our social worker has also given it out to other counties.  There are three ways we will hear about children available for adoption. Either their country social worker will see our profile at the county office and contact our social worker specifically about us, or they will contact our agency and ask if any families are searching for a child that matches the child (or children) they have. What also may happen is that the county social worker will share the child's profile at a monthly meeting that takes place, which is what happened with the last little one we heard about. The best scenario for us really is that  they would call our social worker specifically about us; that means they already read our profile and are interested in us. Other wise they are searching for a family and will most likely get many profiles from families looking to adopt children. The majority of people looking to adopt are looking for the same thing we are: a young girl. That means that this process may take a very long time. In January we were approved to start our child search and we were told to expect to wait a year to year and a half. Of course we are hoping and praying that it will be sooner, but only God knows!
        So that's a very brief explanation about the process we will go through to adopt, and adopting from the foster care system. As to why we chose this way, I really just think it's a God thing. We feel that He lead us to this and we have a peace about adopting this way.  The fact the we can change a child's life is something that makes us hopeful, but we really just started this because we want a daughter. Once we looked at foster-adoption we felt that this would be a good fit for us, and God has really given us a soft heart for these children that are waiting to be placed with their forever families. We wish we had a bigger house so we could adopt more, but we can't adopt all of them. And with this life stage we're in with our boys the age they are, we think that only a younger sister (or maybe two?) is what would work for us.