Emotions

    Wow, I can't believe it's only Monday. I've been through so many emotions the past 4 days, it seems like 4 weeks! When we got the call Thursday about the twins I was SO excited. Then on our 10+ hour drive home I got to think a lot about having twins. Not just now when they are babies, but ten even fifteen years from now! And I got really nervous. Still excited, but nervous and overwhelmed as well.
     Then friday all I could think about was how I would do things with twins. How would I go to the store, get the boys to school, handle things while Josh is at work? Again overwhelmed, but strangely also excited about the possibility (and challenge?!) of it all. I had already thought about how things may go when we add one more, but now I had to think about two. And two the same age, babies now. I thought of the fun things; two set of clothes and dresses, the hair bows, having two babies (I love babies), the joy of two more kiddos! Then I thought about what could be hard; two babies adjusting to a new home, twice the diapers, two babies crying, two little ones crawling around, 2x the work of our two already! And strangely I got even more excited.
      But there's a good chance we won't even get a call. So while I feel I need to prepare myself for the possibility of twins, I also need to prepared not to get a call. Not to be arranging my whole life soon. It's so hard to try to prepare your self for a total life change, while also preparing myself for nothing. The past few little ones we heard about I was able to keep it in check, and to not get too "attached". This time though I really have my heart set on it. So I am nervous, and stressed. What if we get a call? What if we don't?
      I'm glad today is a holiday and I don't have to wonder whats going on. But tomorrow? I think I'll be a wreck. I'm going to have to try to stay busy and distracted.
      So if you read this please pray for me. Like I told Josh yesterday, I really want the twins. But I'm trying to remember that God has a perfect plan and I want to be content with whatever that is. Really guys, I'm a mess of emotions and I can use all the prayer I can get. Thank you. I told you this was going to be quite a journey! Hang on it's going to be an interesting week.