So I had a moment.....

         I hope everyone had a wonderful mother's day and told your momma just how great she is! I believe we all still need our mommas, even when were big. I got wonderful cards and flowers from my guys. Along with a fabulous brunch (cooked by the men folk in our family) with my momma, and BJ's for dinner with my wonderful mom-in-law! Pretty good day!
        I had "a moment" in church yesterday. Our church does child dedications on Mothers Day, and our pastor was talking about the dedications; how we view our children as on loan from God and we dedicate our children as a way of publicly stating to raise them up to know and love the Lord. That ultimately our goal is for them to come to a saving relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. I was remembering when we dedicated our boys and how I feel so blessed that God has entrusted me with these beautiful boys. So I'll admit it I was getting a little teary. Then it really hit. I was thinking about when we'll welcome our little girl into the family and how wonderful it will be to dedicate her at church (and maybe a little about buying her a beautiful white dress for the day...) and how I just cannot wait for the day. Then I just kinda lost it. Uncontrollably crying, could not stop myself, had to get to the bathroom crying. I was just thinking: I am waiting and ready to give her a safe, loving home and I don't even know where she is. What is she going through, how is she loved on and treated? It's not like I'm not expecting God to do something, I am. But how much will she, will I, go through until then? The horrible truth is there will be something very wrong with the choices her birth parents make, and/or her home life before we bring her into our home. That is just the reality of adopting through foster care. What will that do to her? What will she go through during that time and then in her foster homes after she is in CPS custody? And then at the same time I was thinking how honored I am that God will chose me to be the mommy to that little girl. Me. Wow. When I think about that, I think that maybe we're just waiting because God has more work to do in me so that I can be a better mommy for her. I wasn't sure if I was going to tell everyone this because I kinda sound like a basket case, but I do want to share everything we go through in this process. Oh, and I'm better today. Actually I was better the rest of the day, like I said it was just "a moment".
         But I did think about her birth mother yesterday. I wonder what she is like. I'm sure that having your child placed in CPS and everything else will be very hard. No matter what is going on in her life. I wonder if I will be the "bad guy" to her. I hope that I'll have some information on her to share with our daughter when she's older.  I hope that I can get positive things about her too, maybe a picture. When we pray for our daughter Josh prays for her birth parents too. They are important people, and even though raising her might not be the best for our little girl, we don't want any harm to come to them. It's an interesting thing to be concerned for them, not something I really expected to feel. It is definitely a love given by God.
       Anyway just a few emotions I went through yesterday. I am so honored that God has given me the job of being a mommy. It can be hard at times, but it is so rewarding. The hard, or "bad" days really are out numbered by great, amazing days. I am just so thankful for all He's given me. I am a blessed woman.