Babies arrive and we're still waiting

     I really want to write about Foster adoption and why we've decided to go with this type of adoption, and I will soon I promise. I will write about that when I don't have anything else to "say". :)
     Today I had a couple rough spots. I was thinking this morning of a friend of ours that got pregnant the same time we decided we would start our adoption process. Their beautiful baby girl will be two months old soon! I am so very excited for them and the birth of their first born. I just remembered this morning that we started out at almost the same time, and their baby is here Then I saw a mom I know while picking up S from school. When we first met she told me she was a few weeks pregnant, and we were already a couple months into our paperwork. Today I saw her with her brand new baby girl, born just a couple weeks ago. Many times I've heard adoptive parents consider the paperwork process their "paper pregnancy", and had sometimes fallen into that thinking myself. Today though I realized these mommas have their babies (and I truly am so very happy for them!) and I'm still waiting. I guess I had started to think the time line would be about the same. I do think the concept is right though, I started loving my boys as soon as I knew I was pregnant, and I've started to love this new child since we started the process. I told the boys she's not growing in my tummy, but our love for her is growing in our hearts. I wish I could hold my little girl, to look at her face, to even know her age! I don't know if I should describe the way I'm feeling today as sad or disappointed. Melancholy maybe. I'm so much of a planner that it does sometimes get hard for me that I don't even know when we'll hear about the little girl that will be ours. That I don't know her age, name or when she'll be placed into our home. I believe that this is one way God is growing me, to rely on Him to trust Him in everything and just wait. But goodness do I wish I knew how much longer I had to wait!
        While doing my bible study today  I re-read the story of Sarah. God had promised her that she would be a mother, and that she would have many descendents. Well God had her wait longer than she thought she should, so she took matters into her own hands. Sarah sent her maid to sleep with her husband so that the maid would become with child. I'll paraphrase the rest of the story- God was not happy with that decision. He wanted her to wait on Him, to trust in Him. I feel that God has told me that He will be blessing our family through adoption, and all I need to do is wait on him and trust him. Is it hard? Yes! Can I do it? Yes! (It helps that I have no maids to try to send into my husband.....not that he'd be okay with that.) Do I have anything I can do? Nope. God graciously gave me nothing I can do now  to influence the process. I think He knew this would be hard enough.

Easter dresses and Hot Wheels

           I was reminded last week that when our home study was approved I wondered aloud to a few people "I wonder if I'll be buying an Easter dress?". I even picked out a few favorites in case I needed to run out and get one. And I didn't buy my boys Easter shirts right way, like I normally do, so I could match the "just in case" dress if I needed. Then I forgot about it. Life got busy and I forgot I  had said it. Until I was reminded, and I thought it was so funny that I had forgotten! It was such a big hope for me at the time I said it, and I'm not as disappointed as I would have thought. I know there will be another huge selection of Easter dresses next year, and the year after. So this year I bought whatever plaid shirts I wanted, and Hot Wheel tracks for my boys Easter baskets. Maybe next year "baby sister" will be here and we'll match outfits and worry about what's in the eggs. But this year I am thankful for my beautiful boys, the process that we're going through, and the peace I feel. And more importantly the sacrifice of my Savior we will celebrate this weekend. We're taking the boys to Good Friday service at church tonight, and a good Friday it is.
Happy Easter. He is risen!

A week and no word.....

       So it's been a week since our social worker told us about a little girl and we submitted our profile/homestudy to her social worker for review. And no word. There is no guaranteed time line, or really even and average time on how long it may take for them to contact you if they want to meet you, but we probably should have heard by now. The part that stinks is that we either hear something, and we've been asked to come to a disclosure meeting, or we don't. Once the decision to find an adoptive home has been made usually they want to place with the family as soon as possible. And this little girl in particular had a court date set already to terminate parental right in mid June.
       For those of you who don't know, or I haven't got to explain it to here is how the process "should" go: Once the court decides that reunification with the birth parents is not in the best interest of the child they schedule a hearing to terminate parental rights and look for family or friends that can take them in. If no one is found they start to search for families like ours who would be a good match with the child, based on what the family is looking for and what they think the best environment for that child would be. The courts do not like to terminate parental rights if an adoptive family has not been found, and the child has not been placed  in the home. Once a family is found the social worker will schedule a disclosure meeting with the family to talk about the particulars of the child and the child's case. If the family wants to pursue then they will set up a meeting time to meet the child, and whether or not visited are need before placement depends a lot on the child's age.
         In this particular case the little girls profile was shown to many social workers who represent families at a monthly meeting they have. Most people adopting are looking for a young girl so I'm sure there were many profiles turned in for her social worker to review.
          I am disappointed because I was hoping this would be it, and we would soon be meeting our little girl, but I am confident that God is working everything out for us and that His timing and will are perfect. When we were going through the whole paperwork and interview parts I kept thinking that I couldn't wait to be where we now are, because then I wouldn't have to be doing anything but waiting on the Lord. I felt that if I could just get to the point where I only had to trust Him and wait on Him then it would be so much easier. After we were approved and we were officially in "child search" I had such a huge weight lifted from me. It has been only 4 months since that day, although it feels longer. But I am so thankful that I still feel a peace about where we are. I still think it is so much easier to be waiting on God and trusting in Him only, not worrying about what I have to do. I know God has a plan and it is so much better than I can imagine. Already he has done so much to grow me in this time of waiting, and I am looking forward to seeing what else He has to do. So if I wait another month, or another year I know the wait will be worth it, if only for the growth that God is accomplishing in me.
        Thank you for everyone who was praying for us with this little girl. We will still be praying if you'd like to continue in prayer with us. Like I said there is not a way to know for sure, but it's not looking like this is the time. The good news is she'll be placed into her forever family, and that is a beautiful thing.

Welcome!

       As long as I can remember I've viewed adoption as a beautiful thing. My family has been blessed through adoption, so since childhood it has always been a normal part of my life. I was raised knowing that babies come to parents in different ways, but are loved the same. When my husband and I talked about kids when we were dating, adoption was talked about as something we would like to do. It has always been on my heart. After I gave birth to my first son I knew that I wanted more kids-and I knew I wanted to adopt. Baby #2 was also a boy, and it felt as though God's plan may be for us to adopt. We decide that we were done "making" babies and if/when we decided we wanted more, we would add to our family through adoption.
      So last Fathers Day when I was going through an old box we had found in our shed and saw my childhood jewelry box the question I asked my husband wasn't as random as it may seem to most -"Babe, are we going to adopt a little girl?". And so began a conversation that would last months and change our lives forever.As you know by now, yes we are going to adopt a little girl. Or we are trying. It seems a simple thing- you want a baby, you find an agency, and you adopt a baby. Right? Not so fast. There are a few different kinds of adoption and you first need to find one right for you. We prayed about it and decided God was leading us to foster-adopt. So then we found an agency and started the long process of applying and interviewing. I plan on going into more detail on Foster-adoption and the process we went through in future posts so stay tuned!
       I'm going to be writing about our journey, the process and the emotions that go with it. Please walk with us through it. I want to archive our journey and share it with others. My hope is also to encourage and comfort those also going through the adoption process, and maybe even inspire some of you to adopt! I can already tell it's going to be be a beautiful journey, thanks for coming along, I hope you enjoy the view.