So on to more news. Tomorrow (Thursday) is the Bay Area Family Fair. That is where families go and meet with Social workers from different counties and try to "sell ourselves" in hopes that when they have a child that meets what we're looking for they'll remember us (we hand out our profile and pictures) and they'll call us. The social workers will also have new "Child Availables" (children that are ready to be placed in adoptive homes) that I will be able to look through (Josh will not be able to go with me this time). I do not enjoy going, it is a weird thing to do. I am not great at meeting new people and have a hard time carrying on conversations with people I do not know. Plus it's wierd to walk up to someone and say "Hi, I'm Jennifer Schittl. My husband and I are looking for one or two girls, under age 3 to add to our family." Then they ask you questions that if you take the word child out would almost sound like you're picking a new pet. Health? Race? Only girls? Are those ages set? then I always hear "Sorry I don't have that right now, but I'll keep you on file." It really goes very quickly and I cannot figure out how to expand that conversation so I'll be remembered or that they'll "like" me.
I know that they are so used to it, but it almost feels like the social workers have gotten so calloused they forget that we are putting our hearts on the line every time we walk up to one of them and introduce ourselves. WE ARE SEARCHING FOR OUR CHILDREN PEOPLE! Cut us a break, smile. Ask questions about us or our family. Don't just dismiss us because we're not looking for a child that you currently have available. We feel a hole in our families and we're looking for the child that will fill it. It's hard......Okay I'll get off my soap box now.
Seriously though it's a hard thing to go to. You see profiles of lots of kids that need someone to love them. I wish our house was bigger and we could take more. I wish more people could take more. Right now we know all we can do is one or two girls because of our house size and the rules for adoption. And we don't feel like adding anyone older than our boys would be fair either. I pray that more people would consider adoption.
Anyway to sum it all up: Hard day today realizing we won't be getting a call on the twins, hard day tomorrow as I meet with social workers and view profiles. So this woman is still a wreck and prayers and kinda words still needed. Oh! And if you have a favorite scripture that gets you through a hard time I'd love to hear it, I could add it to my tool bag. Thank you all for reading this and for your prayers and encouraging words.
Jenn,
ReplyDeleteYou are so amazing. Why? Well, because of so many reasons. One of the reasons is because of how big your heart is and how willing you are to open it up at the Lord's request. I see that in you. You know what you want in life, you always have; but at the same time, you've been willing to open yourself up to what God wants for your life.
All of us struggle with obedience, but with some people flexibility just comes easy. I know that you have the personality where planning, order, and organization are important, yet I see you firmly letting go of some of the "control" that I know you like to have, so that God can be number one in it! I admire that kind of obedience and faith. I also am touched by your passion. I have no doubt that God placed the "seed" in your both your hearts for adoption. I am well-aware of the long and emotional journey it was just to get to the decision to finally start the process. Yet, you've given 100% of your time, energy, emotions, and finances to invest in this calling. What an inspiration you've been to me and I'm sure to many others! I know that none of this has been easy: the questions of what is right for your family and children, the decisions of timing and choices about your future daughter, and the struggle to wait an unknown amount of time for an unknown child that you have no way to truly prepare for! Wow, talk about a test of faith. Even though I'm not in your direct circle of friends; those you see and talk to on a day-to-day basis. I have thoroughly enjoyed and feel blessed to have witnessed your growth already in the process. You are so different than you were a couple years ago, and even just last year! You've allowed God to work in you during all this time, which will allow him to eventually work THROUGH you. He's slowly preparing you, changing you, strengthening you for the task He has in store! I'm so excited for you. I really hope that when you are feeling a bit down...you can think about the fact that you are in the midst of an incredible ministry that God is giving you and you are exactly where He wants you and you are exactly who He has chosen for this. Think about this: If someone were to ask me 10 years ago about my emotional struggles and my experiences, I would've totally given them up for what I thought I wanted that could fulfill my life and my desires RIGHT THEN! BUT, if you ask me now, I would tell you that I would gladly go through the same journey, the same obstacles (minus my own mistakes that complicated the road if possible), but the same hardships just to have become exactly who God needed me to be in order to have what I have now and to be successful and grateful in my life and current circumstances! I couldn't possibly have the amazing blessings, nor could I appreciate them, had I not gone through the entire process. I may have gone through most of mine the hard way, but you are allowing God to grow you and to build your character as a willing and obedient vessel; and I, for one, am so touched by it. Your level of patience may be challenged, but just look at it as God's way of showing you all the little great things you "could" have, so that when the time comes you will be in AWE of how incredible what you finally have, is in comparison! You will sit there and look back with tears in your eyes, at how GOOD God is, and how his timing was perfect all around. You were given the time with your boys to do the things that God wanted you to, or to be fully focused on other things...while God was busy preparing His daughter for you, and you, Josh, and the boys for her. Wow...what a beautiful time that will be. Thank you for letting us share in this journey with you. I continue to pray for you and all of your family, and I'm here anytime you need a ear, a shoulder, or dessert!!! Love you....
Nat