Mother's Day and the Goodbye visit

          My mother's day was blessed. I got beautiful handmade cards (my favorite) and the boys each made gifts at school for me. I thought about how blessed I am to be a mommy to my kids, and I thought a lot about the girls birth mom and this from last year. I referenced that same post last time and I thought of it a lot Sunday. Last year I wondered where our daughter was and now I know that they were both safe and in great foster homes with women I now love and respect. They were both placed in the homes of incredible families, and we still have relationships with those families. I know they were being loved on and cared for in those homes. Last year I wondered about the birth mom, and I know now that last year she had just had her children and brand new baby taken from her. She was still healing from birth, and had even breast fed and was having to stop that. There was probably emotional and physical pain. And I thought of her this year, she had just had her rights terminated and had today's goodbye visit looming. What a hard day I imagine it could have been, just a few weeks after learning rights were terminated and knowing in two days would be the last time she sees the girls. I still don't understand why she did not show up to the court hearing, and honestly I lost respect for her because of that, but I know because of things she has said to me that she is sad about losing the girls. I know that in the only way she can she does care for them. And so I have a heavy heart for her today. I am sad for her, regardless how how she feels. I don't think there will be a mothers day or birthday that goes by that I won't think of her, because I do believe she will be thinking of the girls. And while we do not believe that contact with her is in the girls best interest, I feel sad at what she will miss. I'm hoping and praying that today's visit goes well. The social worker told me that a lot of times birth parents do hold it together for the kids, so I do hope she can. I am afraid of what a tense emotional scene would do to the girls. It's amazing how much even the baby picks up on that. I hope to take a couple pictures to show the girls later too.
        On another note, we had two social workers visits today so I got clarification on the process from here out. We are just waiting to hear if the birth parents appeal, there as been no talk of it yet. I'm praying that they don't, especially after hearing today that that can take a year to complete. We can start the paperwork for the adoptive placement (just the official placement of the girls into our home for adoption, not foster care) now though, and the state adoption worker that was here today said she will try to have it completed and sent to the state adoption center in Sacramento by the end of the week, so if there is no appeal we should be able to finalize very quickly.
        I'm still being very careful about posting pictures, I still am not supposed to post them, although I've talked to a few adoptive families who started posting even before things were final. I'll probably still be careful, especially since I'm sure it will create a comment storm when I do put them on FB. I do carry our new family pictures on my phone though so I can show them to people I see. (hint, hint)
        It's been 6 months now and we're gelling more and more as a family. It's a process. We've heard that the first year is hard, and the first 6 months of that the hardest, so I'm waiting for it to get easier :) With big girls attachment issues we've been told that it could take up to as long as the age she was when she came home, so it could take 2 years for her to really attach and bond to us. She seems to be starting to trust us and seeking geniue affection more, and her therapist and I are encouraged. But there are days when she goes back, and it can be hard. I try not to get my feelings hurt. The hardest part is that people don't see it and so they don't know what I'm talking about. But it's like that for attachment disorders. I've read a few books on it and Josh actually got to go to a seminar on it so we're learning. And she is starting to really be herself around Josh and test him too, so thats a good sign. Baby girl just turned one year and is starting to bond with daddy too. She gets happy when she sees him and will laugh when he plays with her. It's taken a little while, I think mostly because he is at work so much. She's starting to talk and sign, and can just now stand completely other own. Even today she was willing walked with me holding just one hand, so I think she's getting close.
       Thank you all for your prayers and encouragement. Please be praying now for today's visit, for the birth parents, and for no appeal so we can finalize soon. Also we will be continuing to have contact with their birth grandmother so prayers for guidance and wisdom with that. So far it has only been a couple e-mails on my part and some pictures of the girls. Also I'd love for you to pass this blog on to anyone you think might enjoy it, be encouraged by it, or is thinking of ever adopting. And I love to hear from you too.